The text message conversations between the chapters are good.
The chapters themselves are oddly twee, as if written in the 1950s. I think it's the parts where you talk to the reader in the present tense, to directly describe the characters, that give that impression. It's kind of babying for something generally written at a YA level.
In fact you mix present and past tense from the first paragraph, that's not good, choose one and stick to it.
I'm not at all sure about that cat flipping the switch, either. How does it generate more than one 0 or 1 in a row?
Also: when we mix red paint with green paint, it becomes gray-brown paint, not yellow paint. When we mix red light with green light it becomes (perceptually) yellow light, because that's additive mixing, which does not apply to paint. OTOH perhaps this future art studio uses digital paint, which might work how you want it to, but that's not made clear.
Nice idea but I think it’s going to be pretty tough going for a kid. Have you had any children of your target age group read it? Ultimately our opinions don’t matter, those of your target demographic do so you need to get feedback from them before you do any more writing.
To give you a concrete example of where I think you’ll miss children would be using the phrase Number System. I get what that means but to children that is just Counting.
Also “carbon-titanium” is there to sound futuristic I assume? It doesn’t paint a picture in a kids head (it barely does in my adult brain) instead use colour and adjectives “hard shiny”, “shimmery black”, “echoey iridescent” etc. the aim is to paint a fleeting picture with words, not describe an accurate representation.
How is explaining something with higher mathematics reasonable for childrens? Exponentials arent something you can use. Also shorter sentences are usually easier to understand.
This is really neat! But if I can make a suggestion, a good and interesting explanation should use a strong analogy. A story wrapped around the explanation doesn’t do as much to help with understanding
Check out Code by Charles Petzold for what I personally consider the best example! The analogies build on each other in steps that never feel too complex in order.
I like the motivation. I do not think the 'story' adds to the goal you seek to achieve.
The characters you have invented would suit a picture book. Yet the math and concepts you offer suit an older teen or adult.
Think again about your audience, and either offer a very simple and well explained text for upper teens, or a really dumbed down picture book for primary school.
Keep with it, go iteratively to seek regular feedback. Put it on Tik-Tok or some place you can reach out to the target audience.
Great stuff, reminds me a bit of https://archive.org/details/Gortek_and_the_Microchips_1984_C...
I think your language might be a little too sophisticated for your audience. Try to use shorter sentences and more common words.
Good luck!
This is awesome. However, this is more for us generally technical people to go deeply technical and not likely to kids of today (perhaps in 100+ years as you said).
I have not written down but have bits and pieces of a long-ish story that I have been narrating to my 7-year old. And follows a similar cyberpunk post-human-collapse dystopian kinda scene -- a young brave 7-year old girl and her droid companion. This is to blend in and cross-over with her own story that she had been making up since a year or so - a mini-world of her own where every living thing is a clone of her -- a cat - yes, cloned from her; dinosaurs - yes, her clone.
Edit/Suggestion: I've an idea. Just don't specify this as for kids but for a generally smart young-adult.
Interesting that it starts with the representation of data.
Too many introductions to computing and programming leave this fundamental part out and concentrate mostly on the imperative part, i.e. instructing the computer to perform actions in an already existing world.
Learning about programming through storytelling?
Well I'm not in the target audience, but I like the style and I feel it's a lot less intimidating (and more interesting) than a typical book on programming computers. Pretty neat!
Seems like a rough place to start.
Best start with like UX basics of a computer or a phone.
This is how you turn on a desktop, this is how you turn on a laptop and this is how you turn on a phone.
On phone you touch the screen or use buttons. On laptop and desktop there is a keyboard. On a laptop it is attached to the rest of the computer.
Desktops have monitors and everything is connected by cables.
Stuff like that.
In regards to criticism that the information is too esoteric for kids and how to make it more appealing, I strongly suggest watching this episode about computers from The Magic School Bus: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WHahEKL1v0
It's obviously very dated today, but I really appreciated it as a kid when I saw it on TV.
Key question on children’s books: Who’s the illustrator?
I really like it. And, please, don't be discouraged by any HN commenters. Creation is the important act, not commenting.
Side note: I get a very Usborne vibe from your story. If you are not familiar, Usborne published a series of introductory computer books for young readers in the late 1980s that were well loved by a lot of us here on HN. You can probably find threads and links to copies of the material here.
> Cat pictures are ageless for little girls like her.
Is that a common stereotype? Felt unnecessary to me, especially for a narrative that bills itself as modern.
Thank you all for the feedbacks, and extra thanks for those who read all three chapters. The consensus is the content is too hard for younger readers and I agree. I do have some ideas to improve, and will work on them in the coming weeks.
And I will probably ask for feedback again soon.
"Binary" is a weird place to start. Even adults dont start there.
This is the first time I saw book in the form of a webpage. I really like it. Problem is that my children are don't speak English yet. I wonder if those storybooks also exist in other languages.
Hi, nice idea but it seems a bit complete for children, perhaps dedicated to teenagers? from what age?
What I'm more curious about is, how do you make children interested in this knowledge?
Neat! Thanks for sharing.
In chapter 1, change reminder to remainder.
This is for geeky parents who think their kid will absolutely totally get it.
Starting with binary (wonderfully pointless), exponentials and walls of text just show how this is not actually for kids.
IMO its far too technical for an actual child to want to get into. Starting at a higher level of abstraction would be easier for them